Silence before the Storm
by Purrrin
Summary: 5x18 After their fight Castiel takes Dean to an abandoned isle in the middle of the ocean to force him to give up on his plan to say "yes". When a storm gathers, however, both get trapped and have to try to make it up with each other. Dean/Castiel
1. Silence

**Silence before the Storm - ****Part One: Silence**

**Author's Note: **This short fic is inspired by the third preview clip to 5x18 and the novel "Nights in Rodanthe" for those of you who know it. I'm sorry there is not much love between them in the first chapter but I promise to make it up to you in the second one! I hope you enjoy this story!

**Spoilers: **up to 5x18.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters of Supernatural, unfortunately.

* * *

"_Do it."_ Even now the words still resounded in Castiel's head. _"Just do it!"_

Their confrontation had been like a sudden explosion to make way for pressure that had gathered beyond the surface for a long time. A vivid flash of lightning. The storm before the silence.

As Castiel looked down at the unconscious man on the bed he couldn't help but feel tired and numb. His actions had been too fast, too ruthless and still his mind found it hard to realize that now this was unchangeable past. This sudden, unexpected outburst of emotion scared him. It had clouded his mind and made way for something inside him that had never been released before. Something he didn't wish to ever see again.

The figure on the bed moved. Castiel waited. There was dried blood all over Dean's swollen face. He looked miserable.

Dean opened his eyes. Even though he knew that Castiel was standing next to him, he didn't deign to look at him. There was however a slight hint of surprise in his eyes. As if he had not anticipated to ever wake up again.

Dean let his gaze wander around the room in silence. It looked unfamiliar. Dean was sure he had never been here before. It didn't look like a motel room either. There was a large closet next to the door and a black piano in front of the window. "Where am I" he said after a while, his voice low and without any emotion.

"A place where nobody will ever find you again" Castiel explained unmerciful. "No priest, no angel. You have no chance to say yes."

Dean gave him a fierce look. "You think you can do to me whatever you like? I'll tell you this one thing, Castiel: You can beat me, kidnap me, hurt me. But I will never surrender. Not to you."

Castiel turned his head away. "You have no choice."

"Do you even realize what you did to me?!" Dean shouted back at him. "You almost killed me!"

"You can't even imagine how close I was to killing you!" Castiel hissed back, grabbed his collar and shook him heavily. "You'd be scared if you knew."

Dean closed his eyes and turned his head. It was that same gesture of resignation he had shown during their fight.

Castiel let go of him. "I will not let you destroy everything… everything that I sacrificed for you, and _only_ for you!"

"I never asked you to!"

"You never asked me to?! You _pleaded_! You _begged_ me to. I told you what I would have to give up for you and you still made me do it."

Dean didn't dare to look at him.

"And if you don't give me what I deserve" he threatened in a menacing deep voice "I will take it by force."

"I am _trying_ to do what is right here, Castiel" Dean snapped back at him. "We were abandoned even by God. Michael is the only hope. So if you have another idea, just spit it out!"

"We'll find a way."

"It will be too late then." Dean got out of the bed and grabbed his jacket. "I will not sit around and watch the world burn. I am the one who has to make this decision, Castiel, not you. You wouldn't be the one to live with the guilt of refusing humanity their salvation." Without looking back he left the room and went down the stairs.

* * *

Dean watched the unfamiliar landscape with surprise. This house was built at some beach, fern and weed covering the sandy ground around it. Dean had no idea where he was.

The sudden flap of wings made him turn around.

"It's an abandoned isle in the middle of the ocean. You'll stay here until you come to your senses."

"You can't keep me here" Dean hissed through his teeth. "I will find a way to escape and then I'll say _yes_ gladly."

For a second Castiel had to resist the urge to punch him again. It was not worth it. Dean had no chance to say yes. Not here. "You should hurry with your decision, Dean" the angel warned instead and pointed at the sky.

On the far horizon dark clouds were gathering, clouds so dark they almost seemed black.

Dean turned his head towards Castiel in shock. "A storm. You intent to leave me on this inland during a storm?! Are you nuts?! You'll gonna get me killed for real."

Castiel lifted his fingers as if to touch Dean's forehead. "It will start tonight. I can take you away from here in time."

But Dean hit his hand away. "Don't you _ever_. _Dare_. To touch me again." Without warning he pushed him aside and vanished through the front door.

* * *

Castiel returned in the afternoon. He found Dean sitting on a joist of the veranda, barricading the windows with wooden planks.

The man barely even looked down at him. "If you're here to get me out of this mess, forget it. I will overcome all obstacles you put in my way, Castiel. I don't care anymore."

Castiel didn't reply. He watched him for a while, until Dean was out of planks and jumped down next to him.

The black clouds had already come dangerously close.

"I will take you away from here now" Castiel said plainly as he realized that Dean wouldn't change his mind in time. "I'll return you to Bobby's panic room."

Dean paused and looked the angel into the eyes. "_No_. You're not making any more decisions for me. I will see this through. I am not letting myself being blackmailed by you." With those words he passed the angel and took another few planks from the ground.

Castiel watched him with an unreadable expression. For a while he just stared at him. Then, slowly, he went to the table and took a hammer and a bag of nails. He knew that Dean observed him surprised, but he didn't say anything. So the angel grabbed a few planks and left for the back of the house.

* * *

It started raining as soon as the sun had set behind the menacing clouds. The wind had already risen to an alarming force and Dean pulled his jacket over his head as he struggled against the wind to close the front door, barring it from the inside. As he finally turned around, he noticed that Castiel was sitting on a chair in the living room.

Dean put the hammer down. "Why are you even here, Castiel? Why did you help me with the windows? I'm sorry, but if you're trying to make amends here-"

"You're the one who should be trying to make amends, not me, Dean" Castiel replied calmly.

"For what?" Dean walked towards him. "For trying to stop the Devil? Oh yeah, I'm so sorry for that."

"You turned your back on us, Dean. On Bobby, on Sam, on me. You're spurning all out efforts and sacrifices for you."

"You know what?" Dean lifted his head to face Castiel's eyes. "Just _screw you_. I really thought that there was something between us. I thought of you as my _friend_. And you let me down. You assaulted me like some full-crazed psycho! Whatever it was, this connection, it's gone now. And you're the one who broke it, not me." His voice was merely a growl.

Castiel got up from his chair to face Dean. "That arrogance of yours… The only reason you can't bring yourself to give up on that Michael thing is that you wouldn't be needed anymore. You wouldn't be the shining hero anymore. The world would stop revolving around you and you can't take that."

Dean stared back at him with fury in his eyes. "You…" he snarled, grabbed Castiel's collar and slammed him against the wall. "You know _nothing_ about me!" Their faces were only inches away. Dean knew that it was stupid to provoke the angel again. He wouldn't even get the chance to defend himself let alone strike back. Maybe he would die this time.

The storm outside rose, the raging wind tugging at the planks covering the windows.

Castiel stared back at him, defying, but he did not attack. Instead, Dean let go of him and turned away.

"Go" he said without turning around. "Leave me alone."

"I can't" Castiel replied. "I can't leave during the storm."

Dean turned his head. "What? Are you saying we're trapped here together until the storm ceases?"

Suddenly the lights started to flicker and went off. Darkness filled the room.

"_Awesome_."

* * *

They had lit a few candles but the light was barely helping. The growling thunders from the outside made Dean pray the house would be able to resist the force of nature. The phone had gone dead a while ago. They did their best to avoid each other.

Dean found some canned soup in one of the cupboards in the kitchen, but because of the power outage he wasn't able to warm it. So he ate it as it was. The sound of the spoon touching the ground of the soup bowl made him feel lonely and depressed. His thoughts went back to Sam. Would he even be worried about him anymore? What if Castiel was right and he really had let everybody down? But why wouldn't they understand his reasons, his feelings? He was trying to do what was best and still everybody treated him as the villain.

He flinched as suddenly Castiel appeared next to the table. He gave the angel a threatening glance. "I thought we had agreed that you stay on the second floor and for me to stay on the first, so-"

"Dean" Castiel interrupted with a strange expression. "I'm here to apologize."

Dean dropped the spoon in the darkness of the kitchen.

* * *

**To be continued.**


	2. Storm

**Silence before the Storm - ****Part Two: Storm**

**Author's Note: **And here we go, the second chapter! Thanks so much for all your incredible feedback! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the first one :-) Now all we can do is sit back and wait for ep 18 to air :-)

**Spoilers: **up to 5x18.

**Warnings**: brief consent issues

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters of Supernatural, unfortunately.

**

* * *

  
**

"Dean" Castiel said with a strange expression. "I'm here to apologize."

Dean dropped the spoon. "Oh really?" He looked up and gave the angel a bittersweet smile. "_Rejected_."

"Why?" Castiel demanded and the question made him sound almost like a sullen child.

Dean sighed and pulled the candle on the table closer to his face. "Because thanks to you my face looks like Muhammad Ali. A simple _I'm sorry_ won't do, thank you very much."

"I know I shouldn't have treated you like that, Dean, and I'm really sorry-"

"Oh, can't wait for the _but_" Dean interrupted.

"_But_" Castiel continued, "it wouldn't have happened if you-"

"Just cut the crap." Dean got up from his chair. "You're not apologizing here, you're justifying yourself."

Castiel shook his head slightly. In his eyes was disappointment. "I sometimes think…" he paused.

"What?"

"… Nothing."

Dean approached him. "What? Say it."

Castiel met his eyes. "I sometimes think I understand why your brother turned away from you."

The words hit Dean unexpectedly and hard. For a second he had to struggle to keep his calm manner. He felt himself being overwhelmed by anger and watched his hand grab Castiel's collar with force. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

The angel grabbed Dean's wrist, squeezing it hard.

Dean winced. "You son of bitch!" he shouted, glaring back at Castiel. "There is one thing I know for sure. Only one of us is going to make it off this isle alive."

Castiel stared back at him, tension in his eyes. Dean wondered if he would beat him again.

Castiel however loosened his grip. "You're hopeless, Dean Winchester!" he hissed. "I sometimes think I should have left you down there."

"Then why didn't you?!" Dean shook him with anger, tears gathering in his eyes. "Why didn't you just leave me alone?!" Despair made his voice tremble as he stared back at the angel, defying. "Why don't you…"

"Because I can't…" Castiel whispered weakly and slowly let his forehead drop to Dean's shoulder. "Because I couldn't stand the thought…" His voice sounded broken, almost scared. "I think I may have feelings for you."

Dean swallowed hard as he looked down at the black hair he knew so well. "Castiel…"

"That is why I hurt you so badly." Castiel's voice was merely a whisper. "Because I could not stand the thought of you not… _existing_ anymore."

Dean hesitated as he lifted his hand to the back of Castiel's head. "I have feelings for you as well" he said even though he had to struggle for every word. He was glad that Castiel wasn't looking him in the eyes right now. "That was the reason…" he explained with a calm voice "why I was so angry at you. Because I was so scared of you. And I was afraid that I might have lost you."

"Dean…" The angel felt as Dean's arms wrapped around his back. "I'm so sorry, Dean. Please forgive me."

"Oh Cas… You know, I, too-"

A sudden explosion made them turn around in shock. The first thing Dean witnessed were the flames that shot out of the sockets. The wooden counter on the right wall of the kitchen immediately caught fire.

"What is happening?" Castiel asked, confused and scared.

"I don't know!" Dean turned around, his eyes searching for something to choke the fire. "The house must have been struck by a flash of lightning. The tablecloth!" He pointed at the white cloth. "Hand it over!"

Castiel grabbed it quickly and tossed it to Dean, who caught it instantly and threw it over the flames.

Castiel watched him in panic as suddenly the planks on the window of the living room were torn apart by the storm, a loud cracking noise making them flinch. The howling wind immediately filled the room, tossing around books and paper while the pouring rain lashed through the open window. The candles were blown off.

Castiel rushed towards the window, fighting against the relentless force of nature striking against him.

Dean turned around, but the flames didn't go out. In an instant he realized that the tablecloth had caught fire as well.

The angel reached for a painting on the wall. It was the only thing broad enough to cover the window. With force he tried to press it onto gap, the storm hitting his face with raindrops as if they were gunshots.

"I take it back, Cas" Dean's voice came from the kitchen. "I'm not even sure anymore that _one_ of us will make it out here alive."

"I can't be killed by a storm" Castiel replied reassuringly.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, good for _you_." Stumbling across the kitchen floor Dean grabbed one of the large pots from the sink, filled it with water and poured it over the flames. As fast as he could he rushed to the living room taking the hammer and the nails from the table. Clumsily he tried to shield his eyes from the rain as he drove the nails into the frame of the painting.

Muffled silence returned to the house.

Dean gasped and let himself drop on the floor, his back leaning against the wall. "Oh man… That was really…" He felt his heart rate calm down slowly.

"Close" Castiel finished his sentence and sat down next to him.

Dean felt the tension ease. Outside, he could still hear the howling storm but inside there was only the two of them in the darkness. He thought to hear the beating of Castiel's heart so close next to him. He could hear his calming breath.

And right there, on the floor of an abandoned house in the middle of the ocean, with his face and hair still wet from the rain, he turned the angel's face around and kissed him for the very first time.

* * *

When he felt Castiel's hand touching his cheek he realized what he was doing. But it didn't matter. This surreal place was like a secluded world to him, a different life where anything was possible. A world in which he could love an angel.

The sound of their lips brushing each other's slowly was swallowed by the raging storm outside, but they kept kissing in the dark, not talking, not moving. Just losing themselves in the magic of each other's closeness for what seemed like hours.

It was Dean who finally pulled away. For an instant he didn't dare to break the silence and leaned in for another kiss before resting his head against Castiel's shoulder.

"So" Dean said after a while with a slight smile on his face. "Who would have thought this night would not become _totally_ horrible." He could feel a small smile on Castiel's face even though he could not see it in the darkness.

"I'm so sorry, Dean" the angel whispered finally. "I never meant to hurt to. I only wish there was a way to make it up to you." He suddenly turned and looked Dean into the eyes. "What do you want me to do?" he asked, an earnest expression in his eyes. "I'll do anything. Anything you wish."

Dean observed his face in the darkness. There was an expression of guilt in the angel's eyes, but also determination.

"Anything."

For a moment, Dean lost himself in those beautiful blue eyes. Then he cracked a smile. "It's okay" he said reassuringly and touched the angel's cheek with his hand. "I don't wish for anything,really."

Castiel tilted his head slightly. "But why not?"

"Look." Dean shook his head. "Asking some kind of stupid rubbish of you wouldn't help anyone. Let's just leave it that way, okay? Let's not think about it. Not now." He leaned forward and kissed him again. "I'm happy."

"Does that mean" Castiel kissed him back "that you changed your mind about Michael? You won't say yes to him?"

"I won't say yes to him" Dean repeated, voice muffled by kisses.

But Castiel pulled away. "Would you swear that to me?"

Dean stared back at him, his expression becoming serious. "Come on, Cas. Don't ruin the mood. I won't say yes, okay?"

The angel however didn't give in. "Swear that you won't do it."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Why do you always want to make me swear? Just look at the last time. That was kind of useless."

Resentment started to cover Castiel's features and he slid away from him.

"Oh, come on!" There was annoyance in Dean's voice. "Okay, okay, I swear it. Just stay the hell here."

"I don't believe you." Castiel's eyes were firm. "You don't really _mean_ it."

"Dude, what's your problem?" Dean grabbed at Castiel's sleeve. "Can't you just forget about it for _one night_?"

"You don't realize we're back at where we were the afternoon?"

"We'll be if you don't stop behaving like an idiot. Come on, come over here again."

"No." Castiel replied with determination.

"Man" Dean shook his head. "You're such a jerk, really."

Castiel stood up and lit the candles again.

"Yeah great, that's how I imagined this to end."

"It's your fault, Dean, not mine." The angel didn't look at him.

"_Screw you_."

Castiel turned around. "I think it would be best if I returned to the second floor."

Dean glared at him. "At least we're agreeing on this one."

* * *

The kisses haunted him as Dean strolled around the room, restless. There was a big disappointment weighing on his heart. All those things that could have happened… That stupid son of a bitch. He ruined everything!

Dean sat down on the couch and looked back at the place where they had been sitting a few moments ago. He could almost see their bodies close to each other. Never before had they been so close, except for… The feeling of being beaten by the angel crossed his mind again. His bruises seemed to start hurting again, and still… he longed for the angel more than he dared to admit.

* * *

Castiel was standing in front of the barred bedroom window, staring at the uneven wood, arms crossed. His mind had gone blank with disappointment. He had been so sure that there was something inside Dean that made him care for the angel. But obviously all he cared about was himself.

Castiel winced as suddenly the bedroom door flung open. Before he realized what happened, Dean had grabbed his arms and pinned him to the wall, kissing him fiercely, almost aggressively, not gently and loving like before. He could feel Dean's hand loosening his tie, trying to unbutton his shirt as Castiel hit his hand away.

"What's wrong with you?" he hissed at the man. "Have you lost your mind?"

Dean stared back at him, breathing hard. "This could have been such a great night. Castiel." He let his hand slide along Castiel's thigh. "We don't want to ruin the mood, do we…"

The angel hit him away. "Are you crazy?!"

Dean stopped. For a moment he felt as if their positions were reversed, as if they were mirroring themselves back in that dark alley when Dean had felt lost and helpless like never before. He stared back at Castiel's eyes which were not hard and unmerciful, but disappointed and… scared.

Dean realized what he had done. Eyes wide open he span round, stumbled through the door and down the stairs. Something inside him felt like running, from Castiel, from his deeds, from his obligations… His hands grabbed the planks covering the front door and pulled them away with brute force, the wood making his fingers bleed. But he didn't care anymore. Thoughtless, he tumbled outside into the storm.

Immediately the pouring rain hit his face and skin, water mixing with the blood on his hands. The storm pulled at his body with force as if invisible hands were leading him towards the floods that submerged the beach without mercy. The trees were bowing to unnatural degrees and Dean feared the trunks would crack any minute. Coldness however started to fill his heart as he struggled against nature ready to surrender.

Closing his eyes in the pouring rain while the world was perishing around him, he took a deep breath feeling damp air filling his lungs. Maybe the water would drown him. Maybe one of the trees would strike him. He didn't know. But he waited.

Suddenly he felt a touch on his forehead. Soft and gentle, not hard and rough as he had pictured his death in the storm. He opened his eyes in surprise, catching a short glimpse of worried eyes that reminded him of the color of the ocean.

* * *

Dean Winchester came to his senses again. The room around him was familiar. He had already opened his eyes here once, lying in the same bed, an angel standing next to him.

"Castiel…" he murmured, sitting up. "You shouldn't have come to my rescue. After you beat me I'm not sure if I would have come for you."

The angel said nothing watching him crawl out of the bed.

Dean lowered his head. "Cas, you have to believe me… I never, ever wanted this. That wasn't really me… I would never want to hurt you. It was more like…"

"A sudden outburst of emotion, you never want to see released again" Castiel finished his sentence.

Dean looked at him, surprise written all over his face. "Yeah, exactly."

Castiel gave him a glance that almost looked like a smile. "Well, I've had my experience with that as well. I'd say we're even not."

Dean looked at his eyes, relieved that the angel seemed to have forgiven him. He couldn't help but shaking his head. "Oh, boy." He sighed. "We're truly one messed-up couple."

Castiel shook his head. "These days drive anyone insane, Dean. But it will get better. I promise you that. We'll have to see this through. And I know we will. If it's you and me."

"Oh Cas…" Dean whispered, sadness and gratefulness mixing in the features of his face. He lifted his hand to tough Castiel's cheek. "It was God's lucky day when he created you."

"I'm not sure if he sees it that way as well."

"But I do." Dean leaned forward, pulling the angel into a warm embrace.

Castiel closed his eyes. "Thank you…"

"You can't imagine how much I love you…"

"Dean…" Castiel pulled back, looking him into the eyes. "I do love you, too."

Dean smiled and kissed him gently, the way he had done on the floor of the living room, when for a single moment the rain and the wind had stopped, allowing the world to revolve around them and them alone.

They held each other closely during the kiss until they slowly sank down on the bed, leaving the storm raging against the walls and the windows.

* * *

Sunlight had found its way through the planks barring the windows as Dean opened his eyes. The room was calm and quiet, the sound of the rain and the wind was gone. The storm was over.

And they were still alive. Both of them. Dean couldn't help but smile as he buried his face against Castiel's soft hair. They had made love that night for the first time. More _love_ than _made_, Dean admitted as he kissed the angel's hair fondly.

There was a strange kind of happiness filling his heart. A new kind of hope and a strong kind of faith. He had made his decision.

"Hey Cas" he whispered quietly so that the angel wouldn't wake up. "Do you remember, yesterday, when you apologized? You told me to ask something of you. Anything. Anything I wished. I think I finally found something." He inhaled a deep breath of air. "I want to you take care of my brother. I want to you watch over him as you've always watched over me." He let his fingers run though Castiel's hair gently. "Will you promise me that, Castiel?" For a moment he watched him in silence, then he turned around slowly and kissed the angel on the forehead. "I want you to know that I'm doing this for you."

Quietly he slid out of the bed, careful not to wake the angel, put on his clothes and went down the stairs without looking back.

_Because you gave me a reason. _

He took the telephone and dialed a number. The line was working again. "Yeah hi, I'd like to talk to a priest. – No, any priest would be fine. Thank you."

_So that you can live a safe and happy life._

A few minutes later he walked outside.

_I pray that one day you will be able to forgive me and… understand._

Then he lifted his hands, looking up at the sky. The color of the clouds was grey. "I'm ready now!" he cried. Suddenly the wind rose again and tugged at his clothes. "I will do it" he said with determination. "_Yes_."


End file.
